The Highs and Lows of Social Relationships

What is the most positive thing you've ever experienced? What about the most negative? Chances are you were put in mind of experiences you shared with other people—“the moments when close relationships began or ended; when people fell in love or found a new friend; when a loved one died or broke hearts,” says Shira Gabriel, a professor of psychology at the University at Buffalo. She worked on a study that found individual accomplishments and awards have less emotional impact than events involving other people do. When asked to descibe the best and worst moments of their lives, both students and middle-aged adults were more likely to pick events involving other people than personal achievements. The reason? According to the researchers, it's because of our need to belong and desire to connect with others.

Perhaps these findings will persuade us to change our focus, as Gabriel points out in a write-up:

Most of us spend much of our time and effort focused on individual achievements such as work, hobbies, and schooling. However this research suggests that the events that end up being most important in our lives, the events that bring us the most happiness and also carry the potential for the most pain, are social events—moments of connecting to others and feeling their connections to us.